you're invited...

to learn more about my mission! haha :) 

like any good first-grade journalist... i've decided to write out the "5 W's + H" of my mission {please tell me i'm not the only one who learned those in elementary school haha}

WHO 

Jesus :)

missionary me :)

Here's the thing... it's really not about me. It's mostly about Jesus, and it's mostly about other people. :)

WHAT

A mission is a voluntary act of service to God & humankind. We serve with the sole hope of making life better for other people. :)  My purpose will be to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. I'll be waking up early, studying my scriptures, meeting new people, sharing my testimony of Jesus Christ, teaching the gospel, and inviting people to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and follow His example :)
I'm dedicating this part of my life to Him as completely as possible, so I'll be very selective about the music I listen to, I won't be on facebook or twitter or anything, I won't be using my phone, and I'll just be emailing my family once a week. Every one can please write me letters though! :) :)

WHEN & WHERE

I report to the Missionary Training Center on November 14th. I'll be there for a couple weeks, and then I'm headed to the Wisconsin Milwaukee mission for 18 months! :) 

HOW

I'd like to quote a Book of Mormon prophet here:

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in His strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever." Alma 26:12

He is how. :) 

WHY

I first considered serving a full-time mission when I was like... seven. But mostly just because my aunt was the age to go and she was thinking about it. She didn't end up serving, but the idea stuck and it felt good :) So I've sort of always planned on it, and experiences during high school and college have only strengthened that desire. 

Then, while I was working at efy, it became less an option and more a necessity haha. I felt and still feel very strongly that a mission is where I need to be as soon as possible. The gospel of Jesus Christ is something I love more than anything, and I can't think of anything more important that I could be talking about or more beautiful that I could be doing.
 I know that God lives, and I know that He loves & is aware of us. Some people don't know that. How can I not at least try to share my happiness with them? Jesus Christ atoned for the sins of the world. Because of Him, we all can have hope. How can I not share this hope with people? God has a plan for our happiness. We can be with our families forever. There is life after death. There is a purpose to our life here on earth. Somethings are too important to keep to myself.

While I was at efy, my angel Amanda shared with a group of us a verse that hit me as very few verses have before or since. I knew I wanted to serve a mission, and my application was already in the works, but I was struggling with how much I'm going to miss the things I love... my friends, my home, my family... even stupid stuff like my music and my clothes haha. The Savior's question to Peter - Lovest thou me more than these? - hit me SO HARD, and I knew my answer. I knew that this is why I'm leaving everything else I love behind. I love home. I love my friends. I love my family. But I love Jesus more. And He has asked me to feed His lambs. So I'm going.

"Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of Him to declare His word among his people, that they might have everlasting life." 3 Ne. 5:13

From my call letter:

"The Lord will reward you for the goodness of your life. Greater blessings and more happiness than you have yet experienced await you as you humbly and prayerfully serve the Lord in this labor of love among His children. We place our confidence in you and pray that the Lord will help you become an effective missionary."

aaaaaaaamen! WISCONSIN HERE I COME. :) :)

mission decision

Tomorrow, I'll turn twenty-one. 

For me this age has always meant -- not drinking -- but serving a full-time mission for the church of Jesus Christ.

And as of two days ago, the age requirement for young women wishing to serve a mission has been lowered to 19.

& I'm so grateful.

I'm grateful to be here, now, preparing to serve a mission, and not earlier. When I look back at my 19- and 20-year old self (okay, I'm still technically twenty), I see a lot of naivete... which isn't to say that I'm completely grown up now, but the past two years have been years of immeasurable growth for me, and for that I'm so grateful.

I'm grateful to be going now and not then.

I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned about living on my own

& feeling alone

& finding joy

& coming closer to God

& forgiveness

& loving others

& I know that I still have many more lessons to learn, and that my mission will be a time of incredible growth for me. 

But I'm just so grateful for the time that God has given me to grow up unto Him

I'm grateful that I got to attend BYU for two years - what a growing experience that was! 

I'm grateful for the opportunities I've already had to share the gospel with people I love, & for the opportunity I had to work at efy

And I'm so eternally grateful for the people He has put in my life, who have taught me to love & trust & forgive & be happy.

I feel very confident that this is the time for me to be serving. not earlier, and not any later. 

That being said, I'm absolutely ecstatic for all of the 19- and 20- year-old girls who will now have the opportunity to serve that much sooner, who might not otherwise have had the chance to serve at all. God works through our weakness, and he'll work with these teenage boys & girls just as He will work with me. God is a God of miracles :) 

As a woman, I have never felt less than absolutely loved & respected in my church & in my faith. Full-time missionary service is a priesthood responsibility, and something that I've always felt passionate about and known I wanted to do. I'm glad I get to serve now, and I'm excited for the teenagers & young adults I will be privileged to work with in bringing about God's purposes :) 

I believe that God still speaks through prophets & apostles today.

I believe that this decision was reached by men who speak with God.

& I'm so excited to watch His purposes unfold :)

--

~ from the press conference {which i highly recommend watching if you're interested} ~

"God is hastening his work, and he needs more and more willing and worthy missionaries to spread the light, and the truth, and the hope, and the salvation of the gospel of Jesus Christ to an often dark and fearful world... This announcement... is not about you [young people]. It's about the sweet & pure message you are being asked to bear and the ever greater numbers God needs to bear it. ” –Jeffrey R. Holland

:)

10/13/12 EDIT: my friend Joyce Tran wrote this post about the same thing and it describes me perfectly so go read it, amen. :)

I Am with thee

Sometimes, days are rough. Yesterday was rough. Sometimes I'm just crippled by how not-good I am and how much I wish I were better, but I'm not. So sometimes I cry in my car. Which is dangerous haha. So then I go home and open up my scriptures and pray and read about Jesus.

I was reading in Isaiah 41 last night when something stood out to me...

Fear thou not, for I AM with thee. Be not dismayed, for I AM thy God. I will strengthen thee.

The Great "I AM" is my God. He is all powerful & infinitely, powerfully loving. He has the strength to strengthen me - be not dismayed. I AM is my God, & He is awesome & powerful. ♥

I will help thee, yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, fear not, I will help thee. 

I don't need to be afraid of not yet being all the way good. The Lord, my God, will help me. He is the only One who can, and he can. He has all power, both in heaven and in earth. (Mosiah 4:9) 

He created me. He knows me. He can fix me.

When Moses asked "Who am I?" God answered "I will be with thee."

I AM that I AM can be translated as "I will cause to be what I will cause to be." He has the power to bring about righteousness for those who follow Him.

Jesus is the bridegroom, & the bridegroom takes care of His bride. All things that He has, she has.

Fear not thou, for I AM with thee. I will strengthen thee, yea, I will help thee. For I the Lord the God will hold thy right hand. Be not thou dismayed, for I AM thy God. I will help thee. ♥♥♥

decide what to be, and go be it.

I've had the most beautiful sunday.

Last night as I went to bed I was thinking of one of my favourite songs, and I decided my life motto for right now is
"decide what to be, and go be it."

The full line is, "If you're loved by Someone, you're never rejected; decide what to be, and go be it." I like to captalize Someone and make it about God, because His love is eternal and never ending and infinite and passionate and pursuing and everything great, and I'm never rejected; therefore, I decide what to be, and go be it. :)

Then, as if God was reconfirming that this is what He wants for me right now, my whole church experience went right in line with that. During testimony meeting I had my testimony of the power of the Book of Mormon to change lives and of the changing, enabling power of the Atonement reaffirmed. I know that the Book of Mormon testifies of Christ, and that "there is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book." (ezra taft benson) And I know that the miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed. Brad Wilcox taught that,

“Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for... As my friend Omar Canals puts it, “While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us, Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us... When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness. When we understand grace, we can... continue in patience until we are perfected... Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source.” (emphasis added)

C.S. Lewis also has some awesome words about becoming perfected that I love, including:

You must realise from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal.

My friend John also bore an awesome testimony about how God can find you anywhere, which was inspiring.

Then, in Sunday School, the lesson was on agency and God taught me about my power to choose.

I found 2 Nephi 2:27 to be an interesting verse... it's organized with some neat parallels and I like what it doesn't say as much as what it does. If I break it down graphically, it goes like this:

It goes choice/consequence, whose power it's by, and what they want it for us. I like how it's inferred that Jesus seeks that all men might be filled with joy, even as He is. :) Way to go, Book of Mormon!

So I learned from Sunday School that I have been given the power to choose how I want my life to go. Added to what I learned in testimony meeting, God is telling me to use the agency He has given make the right choice, and He will help me carry it out.

And then, because God loves to teach me line upon line, our Relief Society lesson was on dilligence and God taught me that it's the daily "small things" that count and that I shouldn't give up just because I'm not seeing immediate results. Specifically we talked about prayer and scripture study, and prayer especially is something that I've struggled with... feeling like they're effective, like I'm really talking to God and not just thinking thoughts in my head and kinda "aiming them towards heaven." I was taught that I need to be dilligent, and persistent, and that I shouldn't give up. I thought about how I treat phone calls with my Mom and how much I love and treasure and delight in those and how they're my connection to home, and then I thought if I treated prayer like that, like a connection to my real Home and if I could delight in and treasure prayer in the same way... how much more effective and rewarding and delicious prayer would become to me.
And we talked about how it's about developing a relationship and I thought about how I wouldn't just give up on a relationship after one conversation. Relationships take dedication and determination and dilligence, and that's what I'm going to give my relationship with God. And it reminded me of this blog post I read this morning about how real love comes from doing the smallest of things:

"The times where we have the best excuses not to do something, and we do it anyways, are the times that real devotion comes through. I could say 'goodness Heavenly Father, its so late and I have to get up early tomorrow, you'll understand if I don't read my scriptures tonight right?'... but where does that get me? It gets me 15 more minutes of sleep and 15 less minutes of teachability." 

And when the teacher asked us to look up "diligence" in the topical guide it lead me to Moroni 8:26, which taught me that "perfect love... endureth by diligence unto prayer."
It all just reaffirmed my resolution to become a better person through those "small things" like daily scripture study and prayer and temple attendance. God wants me to be passionate for Him, and that's what I've resolved to be.

So today God taught me that if I'm unsatisfied with who I am and where I'm going, like I have been lately, I can change. He will help me change. That's what the Atonement is for. To that end, I have made a plan for scripture study that I'm really excited about, and I have firmly resolved to say my morning and evening prayers daily, without fail. I'm relying wholly upon the merits of Him who is mighty to save, and I'm trusting in the power of His Atonement. I believe Christ when He says that He will make me perfect, and I'm excited to use my agency and faith and determination to make it happen and to become a new creature through Christ :) Yay, Jesus!

President Monson's message last month was really inspired and I'm so blessed to have been able to study it; it teaches me to have a positive attitude, belief in my ability to change and in Christ's desire and ability to change me, and the courage to try again each day :) yay, prophets! 

and now I'm sitting on the couch with a mug of apple cinnamon oatmeal, just really happy and loving this sunday :)

also I love this song :)

the end.

the love of a father

So I'm home with my family again :) Funny story though... friday morning I missed my 7am flight, and if you've never flown during the holidays let me just tell you that trying to fly standby is not going to work. All the flights are overbooked. So I called my parents and let them know what had happened. By some miracle, my Dad was able to find me a seat on a different airline leaving in about 4 hours (as opposed to the 5 I would've had to wait to maybe get a seat flying standby... but they probably wouldn't've had room for me on that flight or the 6pm one... so I would've been stranded in SLC for days.) Thank you Daddy!

Today I was listening to this song, and thinking about Christmas, and the Love God showed us in sending His Son, and how grateful I am to be home, and I started thinking about the love my father showed me when he bought me a new ticket home. I messed up, I missed the flight (it wasn't 100% my fault, but it partially was). We didn't really play the blame game, Daddy just brought me home. He provided another way for me, at great personal cost, because he loves me. I'm just so thankful that he was willing and able to do that for me. Even more, I am thankful that my Heavenly Father was willing and able to send his Only Begotten Son into the world, that I might live through him. That is how he shows me His great Love for me.

Let Love lead us; Love is Christmas.

:) merry christmas y'all ♥

xox

God wants our lives to make a difference

In thinking about what happened last monday, I admit I asked myself why God would let something like this happen. I know He is always watching over us and that He cares for us infinitely, I just couldn't see a reason for Him to allow this to happen. I know that we have to be allowed to use our agency, even to make wrong decisions, but the girl involved has a mental illness. How does agency come into play in a situation like that? Only God knows. This world is so wicked... but at the same time there is so much more goodness. As Helen Keller said,

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it."

Keeping up with the news stories this week I have been inspired by the people of my hometown and how God has answered prayers for healing and compassion. It has been truly amazing. I have been especially impressed by how the young people have been handling the situation with grace and courage.

One of my friends who goes to that high school posted on facebook,

"We want our lives to make sense, God wants our lives to make a difference. This week, we did it, together."

I've been pondering the first part of that post a lot lately. "God wants our lives to make a difference." I definitely see that this incident has made a difference in the lives of hundreds of people. At times when my life doesn't make sense, I can remember that God is using me to make a difference. It changes the way I live my life. God has a plan for my life, different from the one that I might have imagined. But my life doesn't have to make sense to me. God's in control of it, and I trust Him absolutely to use me to make a positive difference in the world if I let him.

I choose to see God's hand in everything. The recovery of the young girl who was hurt has been miraculous. Doctors say that if she had been stabbed just 4 millimeters to one side, she would have bled out immediately. They also say that if the emergency respondents had chosen to send her to the trauma hospital farther away instead of the one they chose, she would've died en route. As it was, she died several times that day and the doctors were able to bring her back. I believe that God was with her that day, answering hundreds of prayers for her and her safety. God truly did take care of those in need that day, and in the days since and still to come. Miracles sometimes come down to minutes and millimeters.

God allows us our agency. Terrible things happen, I don't always know why. But I know that God is always in control, and that He loves us, and that He has a plan for us. I know that He answers our prayers. I know that He is always with us, even and especially in the midst of tragedy. And when we follow Him, our lives will make a difference.

a prayer for healing and peace

This morning as I got on facebook and started scrolling through the newsfeed, I noticed several posts by kids from my old high school about a lockdown. As I looked further into it, I learned that there had been a violent incident involving three young girls. {If you'd like the details, you can get them from the school website.} I called my mom and texted a few friends to see if they'd heard the news. I have three siblings at that high school, and I was worried about their safety and emotional well-being. I was able to talk to my oldest brother on the phone tonight, and he says they're all doing fine, though obviously shaken by what happened.

In thinking about what has happened, a few thoughts and quotes have come to mind.

One thing that always boggles my mind is the dichotomy of good and evil in the world. How can such awful and sorrowful events occur on the same day in the same world, same town, and same facebook page as such beautiful and joyful events?

Gordon B. Hinckley said,

‎I have seen much of ugliness in this world. Most of it is the work of man. But I think I have seen much more of beauty. I marvel at the majestic works of the Creator. How magnificent they are. And they are all the work of the Son of God. 

The ugliness of what happened today is shocking. But beauty is still present in this world, even in tragedy.

Today I have had a continual prayer in my heart for the girls involved in the incident, both the two who were victims and the one who attacked them. Everyone needs our prayers and our hearts. God's love is infinite. God's love is Healing. "I am the Lord that healeth thee." {Ex. 15:26} Please pray for healing for these girls, their families, and all who were affected today.

I have been inspired and brought to tears by the unity I've seen among people in my hometown who have banded together in prayer and hope, and by the courage demonstrated by a close friend of my brother who heard the girls scream for help. I know that, as Helen Keller said,

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. 

Witnessing my young friends and siblings overcome and unite has been inspiring. I pray that they will continue to be able to overcome, and that they will have peace.

It makes me terribly sad that my younger siblings and friends have had to experience this. No teenager should ever have to deal with the emotions that come when a peer and friend is involved in such a violent attack at school. It's unfair, and I feel for the young people involved. I pray over them, that they will have peace and healing at this time as well.

One of my young friends at the high school wrote,

Everyone has a story. God's taking care of those in need today. Praying for safety & compassion at our school.

I join in her prayer for safety and compassion and add a prayer for her as well. God's hand is over everything.

I believe in hope. I believe in thinking of others before myself. I believe in God's infinite love and care for all of us. And what I believe is what gets me through.

God has told us,

Fear thou not, for I am with thee. Be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I with strengthen thee, yea, I will help thee.

Tonight, as I pray for peace and healing over all who were affected, I trust in God's great love and compassion for all of us. I know that I cannot fully fathom what happened today, but I know with my whole being that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world, and that His Love brings peace, and healing, and that He understands. I know that He lives, that He loves us, and that He cares about each and every person in this world. I pray that others can know this as well.

I've been listening to beautiful things and there will be a day tonight, along with some instrumental hymns.

There will be a day

with no more tears

no more pain

and no more fears...

but until that day

we'll hold on to You always.

pray for love. pray for peace.

a fourth-watch God

today in new testament we talked about how we have a fourth-watch God and we have an immediate God. meaning, sometimes God lets us struggle until the "fourth-watch," or last possible moment, before He comes to us. Why? Well we don't always know God's purposes {though we know they are wise}, but one reason I think comes from The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis: 

"It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be... He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand."

God has to let us struggle, because by struggling we grow. If He always rushed in and saved us the moment we needed help, we could never become who we need to become. So, in His infinite mercy and wisdom, sometimes he let's us be "tossed with the waves," so to speak, and comes to us in what seems the very last possible moment.

This has happened to me many times in my own life. Sometimes God makes me wait what feels like a very long time {though really it's usually only a few days.......} before I feel better about things. Most recently, I was upset and stressed about school and personal life, and it seemed to be dragging on forever. I made it to the Relief Society Broadcast however, and it was just exactly what I needed to hear, and I felt at peace with the situation and loved by God. So perfect.

Sometimes, though, our God is an immediate God. He knows when to step in and rescue us immediately {and it's not up to us to tell Him which situation is which.} :) These situations can also be incredibly faith-strengthening. Not even two hours after the Broadcast ended, I got a text that again put my mind at ease. The situation isn't perfectly resolved, but I'm confident that we're back on the right path.

These personal examples don't exactly go along with the principle Brother Smith was talking about, but I wanted to record them and be thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who answers prayers in His own perfect timing, who loves me enough to let me struggle and grow, and who will never abandon me or let me drown. :)

xox, happy monday :)

keystone

A keystone is that nifty little piece of rock that holds an arch together. It takes the weight, and without it the arch would fall apart.


Jospeh Smith said, "the Book of Mormon is... the keystone of our religion." And I believe that to be true. But do I treat it that way? Am I willing to test it out, see if it can take the weight? I was talking to my dad today and he said, "Bring your questions! Bring your hardest questions - the truth can handle it." It's so true! 


One thing that has always helped me in my faith is to never abandon what I do know for what I don't. C.S. Lewis said, "Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods." I have definitely found this to be true. And one of the things that I know to be true is the Book of Mormon.


When my friend first starting looking into my church again, he asked some really hard questions and had some pretty deep concerns. I encouraged him to read the Book of Mormon, and I asked him to keep reading and praying about it. I promised him that if he would, he would receive an answer.


How scary is that! To make a promise that big. To place everything that matters to me on a tiny little book only 531 pages long. It was a test of my faith - did I really know the Book of Mormon was true? Was I really certain that he would receive a witness of his truthfulness? Could it handle the kinds of issues he was dealing with, the questions he had? Yes. I chose faith and made a promise. Because it's a promise that the Lord has already made - and He always keeps His promises. I had to trust in Him and really make my faith active. Because the book is either true, or it isn't, and if it is true then my friend would receive a witness. And it is true. There is a power in the book that goes far beyond just the words on the page. 

prayer works

The trickiest thing with prayer for me is feeling like I'm actually doing something. I live pretty far away from most of the people that I love, so sometimes it's hard for me when they're going through something hard and need my help, and all I can do is pray. This quote from the LDS Bible Dictionary helps me feel better: 

Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just saying words and that they're not really doing anything, and it's frustrating when I wish I could do more. I like this quote because it lets me know that if I'm putting forth a sincere effort - really working and not just casually praying - then it counts as work and it counts as doing something. Prayer is actually the "appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings." It's not just a little thing, as long as I don't treat it like a little thing. 


EDIT: the Hebrew word avodah is translated as both worship and work. :) 

God loves us, and he hears our prayers. Promise. :)

"What a blessing and a joy for each of us to know that our Father lives and that he loves us, that he forgives us when we repent, that he is ever willing to help and give love to his beloved children." ~Spencer W. Kimball

Have a wonderful weekend :) 

infinity means forever

I love my advanced religion class this semester. Today I learned that we will never stop relying on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is infinite; we never get to check off "apply the Atonement in my life," or be like, "thanks Jesus, that was cool," and move on. We will always be relying on our Savior who ransomed us and provided the way for Eternal Life. He is the reason there is a life after death; the reason I can be reunited with my Father in Heaven and live with Him forever.  I will always be indebted to my Savior for his great Atoning Sacrifice.

"He is my Savior and my Redeemer. Through giving His life in pain and unspeakable suffering, He has reached down to lift me and each of us and all the sons and daughters of God from the abyss of eternal darkness following death. He has provided something better—a sphere of light and understanding, growth and beauty where we may go forward on the road that leads to eternal life. My gratitude knows no bounds. My thanks to my Lord has no conclusion." --Gordon B. Hinckley

I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart, and I will glorify Your name forever. ~Ps. 86:12 

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

~Amazing Grace 

to feel

I think that it's good to miss something. It proves that you love it. Example: I miss Seattle. This feeling tells me that I love Seattle :)
Also - our sorrows increase our capacity for feeling love and joy. It's like carving out a cup so that it can hold more :)
Actually I guess any deep emotion carves out a space for others. Greater capacity to feel. And I guess because Christ experienced infinite sorrow and suffering, he can also experience infinite love and joy. {not sure which came first. I guess there is no "first" with infinity) :)
Luckily we don't have to experience infinite sorrow to attain perfect love. Thanks to Jesus's atonement :)
We do need to feel sorrow though. It deepens our capacity to feel, and it increases empathy.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? ~Kahlil Gibran

how does Christ love us?

Deeply and unconditionally. Without expecting anything in return. Individually, not collectively. If we love Him back, we will show it by keeping his commandments. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. His love for us is a free gift that He willingly offers us, but we have to do something about. We have to act and allow it to work in us, act on it and be changed.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. We are his friends, if we do whatsoever he commands us.
Because He loves us, He wants us to be truly happy, and He knows the only way to receive true happiness is from the Father through Him. He points back to God, always. He glorifies God. He is not proud or boastful or self-centered. He places higher value on us than himself. He put us above Himself - even though we do not deserve it! And he did it because he loves us. He loves us despite our rejection of him. He doesn't need us to love him - he loved us first! We need to love Him. He wants us to love him so that we can be happy. He was willing to sacrifice everything, just to give us the chance, the opportunity for happiness.
He is patient with our faults. He knows we are trying. His influence will bring us closer to the Father. He helps us reach this higher ground. He is never content with what we think is our best - He has better things in mind for us. He will never rest until we are safely home again. He will never give up on us. He cares about us and suffers with us. He mourns with us and rejoices with us.
There is nothing we could do to make Him stop loving us - he always will. He will protect and defend us. He is always there. He wants us to rely on Him. He fights for us. He gives us little blessings to brighten our day :) He has eternal hope for us. He bled and died for the sinner and the saint. His love is offered to everyone - the difference is who will take it and make something of it. He even loves the people who hate Him and do terrible things to Him. And he never, ever gives up on them either. His love has a purifying, perfecting effect. It is cleansing. It makes us want to be better people. It helps us to become better. It is constant. It improves our life. I should love people this same way - deeply and unconditionally. Love = service and sacrifice.

to love

So here's what I think. It's not love if you feel like you have to win or earn the other person's affection. If you feel like they'll only love you if you're a certain person, it's not love. You should want to please them because you love them, and/or because you already know they love you. You shouldn't feel like you have to get them to love you, or that you have to be careful/on your toes for fear that they'll stop loving you. There is no fear in love; perfect love casts out fear :)
That being said, it does take effort to keep love alive. You can't ever mistreat it, disrespect it, or take it for granted. Don't give up on love just because it gets hard. Real love is everlasting. It takes effort from both sides.
Love is patient. It will endure many things. It doesn't give up. Christ will never give up on us. Love is kind. Never cruel or harsh. Caring, thinks about the other person. Gentle, soft. Love is not jealous. It is not proud. Seeketh not her own, puts the other person first. No pride - doesn't think a lot of themselves. High sense of self-worth, yes, but also meek and humble. Love is not easily provoked - goes along with patience, not envying, kindess. Even-tempered. Chill. Relaxed. Thinks no evil. Doesn't rejoice in sin. Rejoices in the truth. True love bears all things, hopes everything, endures everything, and believes all things. :) Christ perfectly embodies charity. If I want to be Christlike, so should I. Christ said, "I have loved thee with an everlasting love." True love is patient and kind - it never gives up. It endures forever. Nothing anyone can do can change this kind of pure, Christlike love. It's untouchable. Unrequited, it will still continue, always there, never boastful, never rude, never thinking evil or rejoicing in evil. If you really, truly love someone, you will put them first. You will always be happy for the good things that happen to them. You will take no thought for yourself. You will not envy them or any other. You will think kind thoughts. You will always hope, always endure, and always believe. Love is closely related to trust and faith. There is a peace and calm that comes with this sort of love. Love gives. It is a purely unselfish emotion. Think no evil - ever. Leads to action - serve those you love.

Perfect love casteth out all fear; I fear not what man can do.

If I love perfectly, then I will have no more fear. If I can love as Christ does, then I will feel only happiness for the good things in other people's lives. I need to see people as Christ does. That is what I will pray for - that I will love them with a perfect love. I need to pray to love more, with a Christlike love. Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever, and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in inquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Wherefore, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all those who are the followers of his Son, Jesus Christ. {Moro. 7:45, 47-48}
Charity will make me happy and bring me peace. Charity never faileth.

today i am sad.

With great joy comes great sorrow; with great love comes great pain.
I think that the greater the good times were, the worse the hard times will be. The happiness was worth it. It's just hard right now to remember. The inverse is true too though. With great sorrow comes great joy; with great pain comes great love. "There is a link between sorrow, affliction, and incomprehensible joy." ~Bruce C. Hafen. We can't have it good all the time, we don't learn from that. God whispers in our pleasures and shouts in our pain. ~C.S. Lewis 
I know all this stuff about hard times, like it's for my good, this too shall pass, etc. And I still have faith in that, I don't doubt God's hand in my life, but this knowledge doesn't change the fact that I am hurting right now. I'm looking for peace and solace. I'm trying to look for it in Christ. Happiness and peace cannot be found elsewhere. But maybe I just need to suffer through this a little bit. God won't take me out of the storm, but He will guide me safely through it. Pain breeds empathy, compassion, and experience. I need to learn and grow from this experience. Accept the pain, but don't let it overwhelm me or depress me. I can choose to be cheerful despite this. "Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyways." ~Emory Austin
It seems to me that as I get older my emotions get more powerful and poignant. My happiness greater than ever, but also my sadness. And I have a feeling it's only going to get more extreme as life goes on. But I shouldn't forget the great and wonderful joys that I've had! And they will continue to get greater! It's just hard to remember that and focus on that now. I know this won't last forever, I know greater happiness is coming, but right now I am hurting. It's so hard to see past right now.
I know my pain is minuscule compared to everything else. But it's still real to me. Christ knows perfectly how this feels. He understands. "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind... and he will take upon him their infirmities, that His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that He may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." {Alma 7:11-12}
Because they cried mightily unto Him he did deliver them... and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in Him. {Mosiah 29:20}
Cry unto the Lord for all thy support, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever. {Alma 37:36}
It's easy to love and trust during the easy times. It wouldn't be a test if it wasn't hard.
Cry unto the Lord thy God, for He is mighty to save. {Alma 34:18} ♥

What does Absolute Trust look like?

Turn to God first, in everything.

No fear of others, only faith.

When thou art in tribulation, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the Lord thy God and shalt be obedient unto his voice (for the Lord thy God is a merciful God;) He will not forsake thee. {Deut. 4:30-31}

Constant prayer, listening for the will of the Lord.

God is everything. He is enough to satisfy every need. He is my Father, Christ my elder brother. They love me. I can trust them with my self. Who else can satisfy? No one. Peace cannot be found outside of the Father. There is no happiness outside of his plan of happiness. 

Turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning, and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful. {Joel 2:12-13} Turning to the Lord hurts. Only He can heal the hurt. There can be no reservations. Absolute trust.

Turn to no one else for comfort. Nothing else.

Turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, put your trust in Him, and serve Him with all diligence of mind. {Mosiah 7:33} 

Serve him first - before receiving anything. Take a leap of faith. Scary! :)

Unto them that look for him shall he appear. {Heb. 9:28} 

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. {D&C 6:36}

Trust God.

How I know I can trust God: He has never let anyone down ever. Not only is He always there for me, He is always there for everyone. He has never betrayed anyone. I think a fair way to judge people is the way they treat other people. If they talk bad about others to you, or if you know they've been unkind to someone else, chances are it will happen to you, even if you think it never, ever could. God always treats everyone perfectly. He is perfect. There are countless examples of Him being there for people that needed Him, and I know He will be there for me too. It's a predictable pattern of behavior.

Other helpers fail and comforts flee. Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me. Earth's joys grow dim, it's glories pass away. Change and decay in all around I see; O thou who changest not, abide with me. I need thy presence every passing hour. Who, like thyself, my guide and stay can be? Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

~Abide With Me

My soul, wait thou only upon the Lord, He only is my rock and my salvation. He is my defense, I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory, the rock of my strength, and my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times. {Ps. 62:5-8} 

I shouldn't rely on anyone besides God. I can't just place a percentage of my trust in Him but keep some in reserve, "just in case." That's not real trust. God requires nothing more and nothing less than my entire self. my all. my everything. I can't trust in anything besides God. Yes, other people can help me, and I shouldn't be desitrustful of people, but nothing should come between me and God. I have to be 100% invested. A personal, close relationship. Trust in nothing besides God. Logically, this makes sense. It shouldn't be hard to trust my all to an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving God. But it is.

He is jealous for me

God is jealous for me. When he sees me spending my time with others and not with Him, or when I turn to others when I should turn to Him, it hurts Him. He is happy for me to be happy and have friends, but nothing and no one should replace Him as #1 in my life. He wants to talk to me, all the time. He should be my best friend. I should turn to Him first, before all others. Jesus will always be there for me. He will never betray me or fail me or let me down.

Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side. With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide. In every change, He faithful will remain. Be still my soul, thy best, thy Heavenly Friend, through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Christ should be my best friend because he's the only one I can really count on to be with me throughout my entire life. He's a real person, why wouldn't I have that kind of relationship with Him? Other people will come and go, I grow close to friends and then we grow apart, people move, people change, life happens. Jesus is the only one I can count on to always be there with me every step of the way. He knows me better than anyone and yet he still loves me infinitely more than anyone ever could. He is perfect. He understands exactly what I'm going through. I need to turn to Him in times of need, the same way I turn to my human best friends. I need to nurture the relationship, to put as much effort and investment into it as into my earthly friendships. Relationships cannot exist one-sided. One person can't be expected to give and give and give into the relationship. It has to be two-way. Mutual loving. I don't have to give equal to what He is giving, but it has to be my all, 100%, because that is what He is giving me. Christ is perfectly loving and forgiving and understanding. He wants me to rely on him, to turn to Him when other sources fail me. Perhaps that's why other sources have failed. So that I will be forced to turn to Him. He loves me. And I know that he will always love me. I can trust him with my life, because he gave His life for me. I belong to Him. I want to belong to Him. He offers salvation to his friends. "Greater love hath no man than this - that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you." {John 15:13-14}

Good friends talk often. {Every day at least.} They consult each other. And not just when it's convenient for them or when they need something. They want to talk to each other.
Good friends do things for each other out of love. They sacrifice for each other.
Good friends listen, and they care.
Good friends do things together. They like to spend time together, doesn't matter where.
Good friends say "I love you," and mean it.
Good friends defend and protect each other.
Good friends put each other first.
Good friends express appreciation.

Be still my soul: Thy God doth undertake to guide the future as he has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still, my soul, The waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
God is in control. He's got it. He rules over over the universe. All things are within his power. He will take care of me. He has a plan for me.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on when we shall be forever with the Lord, when disappointment, grief and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed we shall meet at last :)
Everything has a purpose. He knows me. He is aware of me. He has a plan for me. He will not abandon my. My God is faithful.

Jesus gave His life for me. Shouldn't I return the favor?

He paid the highest price for me, and still He tells me I am free.

"I love you this much."

He is truly my Redeemer, my Savior, and my God.