decide what to be, and go be it.

I've had the most beautiful sunday.

Last night as I went to bed I was thinking of one of my favourite songs, and I decided my life motto for right now is
"decide what to be, and go be it."

The full line is, "If you're loved by Someone, you're never rejected; decide what to be, and go be it." I like to captalize Someone and make it about God, because His love is eternal and never ending and infinite and passionate and pursuing and everything great, and I'm never rejected; therefore, I decide what to be, and go be it. :)

Then, as if God was reconfirming that this is what He wants for me right now, my whole church experience went right in line with that. During testimony meeting I had my testimony of the power of the Book of Mormon to change lives and of the changing, enabling power of the Atonement reaffirmed. I know that the Book of Mormon testifies of Christ, and that "there is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book." (ezra taft benson) And I know that the miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed. Brad Wilcox taught that,

“Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for... As my friend Omar Canals puts it, “While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us, Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us... When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness. When we understand grace, we can... continue in patience until we are perfected... Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source.” (emphasis added)

C.S. Lewis also has some awesome words about becoming perfected that I love, including:

You must realise from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal.

My friend John also bore an awesome testimony about how God can find you anywhere, which was inspiring.

Then, in Sunday School, the lesson was on agency and God taught me about my power to choose.

I found 2 Nephi 2:27 to be an interesting verse... it's organized with some neat parallels and I like what it doesn't say as much as what it does. If I break it down graphically, it goes like this:

It goes choice/consequence, whose power it's by, and what they want it for us. I like how it's inferred that Jesus seeks that all men might be filled with joy, even as He is. :) Way to go, Book of Mormon!

So I learned from Sunday School that I have been given the power to choose how I want my life to go. Added to what I learned in testimony meeting, God is telling me to use the agency He has given make the right choice, and He will help me carry it out.

And then, because God loves to teach me line upon line, our Relief Society lesson was on dilligence and God taught me that it's the daily "small things" that count and that I shouldn't give up just because I'm not seeing immediate results. Specifically we talked about prayer and scripture study, and prayer especially is something that I've struggled with... feeling like they're effective, like I'm really talking to God and not just thinking thoughts in my head and kinda "aiming them towards heaven." I was taught that I need to be dilligent, and persistent, and that I shouldn't give up. I thought about how I treat phone calls with my Mom and how much I love and treasure and delight in those and how they're my connection to home, and then I thought if I treated prayer like that, like a connection to my real Home and if I could delight in and treasure prayer in the same way... how much more effective and rewarding and delicious prayer would become to me.
And we talked about how it's about developing a relationship and I thought about how I wouldn't just give up on a relationship after one conversation. Relationships take dedication and determination and dilligence, and that's what I'm going to give my relationship with God. And it reminded me of this blog post I read this morning about how real love comes from doing the smallest of things:

"The times where we have the best excuses not to do something, and we do it anyways, are the times that real devotion comes through. I could say 'goodness Heavenly Father, its so late and I have to get up early tomorrow, you'll understand if I don't read my scriptures tonight right?'... but where does that get me? It gets me 15 more minutes of sleep and 15 less minutes of teachability." 

And when the teacher asked us to look up "diligence" in the topical guide it lead me to Moroni 8:26, which taught me that "perfect love... endureth by diligence unto prayer."
It all just reaffirmed my resolution to become a better person through those "small things" like daily scripture study and prayer and temple attendance. God wants me to be passionate for Him, and that's what I've resolved to be.

So today God taught me that if I'm unsatisfied with who I am and where I'm going, like I have been lately, I can change. He will help me change. That's what the Atonement is for. To that end, I have made a plan for scripture study that I'm really excited about, and I have firmly resolved to say my morning and evening prayers daily, without fail. I'm relying wholly upon the merits of Him who is mighty to save, and I'm trusting in the power of His Atonement. I believe Christ when He says that He will make me perfect, and I'm excited to use my agency and faith and determination to make it happen and to become a new creature through Christ :) Yay, Jesus!

President Monson's message last month was really inspired and I'm so blessed to have been able to study it; it teaches me to have a positive attitude, belief in my ability to change and in Christ's desire and ability to change me, and the courage to try again each day :) yay, prophets! 

and now I'm sitting on the couch with a mug of apple cinnamon oatmeal, just really happy and loving this sunday :)

also I love this song :)

the end.