my new apartment :)

my window is the sketchiest scariest thing of my life. it like, dosesn't close all the way and when the wind blows it sounds like someone is trying to get in. and it's right next to my head.
also, my bedroom door is the loudest door ever in the history of the world and it sticks when you open/close it all the way.
while annoying, i am thinking that this could be a good thing, as it will make it extremely difficult for the rapists to sneak in.
see the good in everything :) :)
♥


"Oh I love your door but hate your window sounds like it would cause me fear. Door could be bad in case the rapist did break in and the door was jammed shut. But luckily you would have pajamas on thus making the rapist frustrated and leave. :)" --Arthur Pennock

dreams :)

1. to write something that people actually like and that adds some good to the world :)
2. to find my pizza soulmate
3. to go to a legitimate bollywood dance
4. to make people laugh
5. to camp on the beach
6. to visit Rome
7. to take an epic roadtrip with friends and to stop and play frequently along the way
8. to have an alphabet party with 25 of my closest friends
9. ‎to climb on the giant red tube sculpture in seattle and take pictures :)
10. to be on AFP
11. to visit Jerusalem
12. to create a music video in the style of the 80s

12. check.

dieting tips from the pros, ce's and arth :)

trust us... we're professionals.

• cold foods have negative calories... naturally.
• it's less calories to eat it with a fork.
• eat in the dark. if you can't see it then you're basically eating nothing.
• hot fudge burns calories.
• adding bananas to ice cream makes it healthy... practically a salad...
• peanut m&ms = healthy snack.
• hot foods are great for you because the calories get burnt for you.
• white ice cream is good because white is the color of nothing, signifying no calories.
• fruit ice cream, healthy, duh, it's fruit.
• chocolate is made from beans, meaning vegetable, meaning health.
• mint, tastes like toothpaste, health.
• ice cream is dairy. pure health.

enjoy :)

What I have decided is this.

God has a plan. I'm trusting in Him. My feelings of jealousy and resentment are not good, {and thus, of Satan.} It's pride. Charity doesn't envy, isn't puffed up, and doesn't seek her own. I don't seek to glorify myself, but to glorify God. At least I'm working on that :) 

1 Tim 4:12 - Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. :) 

I need to stay in tune with God and let Him guide me so that I can know what to do and say. I want to be an instrument in His hand, helping to accomplish his great plan :) I'm turning my life over to God. I will live my life in a way that's conducive to having the Spirit always be with me, to guide me. I will pray always, and go firmly in the direction God is pointing me. I know the truth - I will live it. I'll go forward and not backward. Courage! And on, on to the victory! For the Lord my God is with me, whithersoever I go. Shall I not go on in so great a cause?  Let my heart rejoice, and be exceedingly glad :) {D&C 128:22; Josh 1:9} Sing unto the Lord, for He hath done excellent things :) {Isa 12:5}

this is what i think.

I think that there is good in just about everything. God can work through almost anything to touch people and bring them closer to Him. Pretty much every religion has at least some small iota of truth. There's something there that, through the Spirit, God can help me learn from. President Hinckley said kind of the same thing - all people have some light {the light of Christ}. It's our job to add to that light, both in ourselves and in others by sharing the light of the gospel. And I think that different people will attain different amounts of light in this life time. So we shouldn't disparage other religions for what they have wrong, but respect them for what they have right and for the good they do in people's lives. And always try to share the light we have with others and to bring them closer to Christ. And, we shouldn't "hide our light." Because the light is Christ :)
And also, I believe that goodness can't come from something evil. Everything good comes from God. It is impossible for the devil to produce something good, because goodness draws us to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Christ is the source of all light.
Moroni 7:11; Matthew 12:25-26; Matthew 7:16-18; Moroni 7:12-13, 16-17; Alma 5:40; Ether 4:11-12; D&C 11:12


EDIT: President Hinckley's actual quote is as follows: "To anybody who is not of this Church, I say we recognize all of the virtues and the good that you have. Bring it with you and see if we might add to it.” Gordon B. Hinckley, "“This Thing Was Not Done in a Corner”", Ensign, Nov. 1996, 48

a rant

About converting people. Never insult the other person's religion. If they're close to it, it's like insulting them personally. Never have a prideful or know-it-all attitude. Always make sure your intentions are pure and charitable and Christlike. People are a lot more likely to believe that you're concerned for their eternal soul if you also show concern for them as a person. Make sure it's genuine concern. Be sure to have charity - suffer long, be kind, don't envy, don't be puffed up, don't seek your own, don't be easily provoked, don't think any evil, don't rejoice in iniquity, do rejoice in the truth, bear all things, believe, hope, endure. Don't talk down to someone or be condescending or think that you're going to "save" them. It's very off-putting. Don't do it for yourself, either. You have to be purely unselfish. Don't engage in "bible bashing" or tying to prove them wrong. Don't insult them, their family, or their religion. Be careful not to accidentally offend. Be careful not to chase away the Spirit. Remember that he that hath the spirit of contention is not of Christ, but is of the devil, who stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. Always invite the Spirit. The Spirit of Christ never leads to contention or anger but to charity, respect, and love. Gal. 5:22-23. Show genuine concern for them as a person, not conditional upon their acceptance of your message. Don't give the impression that you'll love them "only if" they convert. Don't try to "save their soul" just for your own benefit or because you feel obligated to. Don't even give the impression that this is your motivation. Don't be combative. Be full of love. Let the Spirit guide your words and actions. Be bold and unafraid of the truth. Be kind. Don't give up. Seek to uplift and enlighten, not tear down and destroy. Share the truth without bashing other religions. Don't tear down to build yourself up. Share the truth, honestly and simply. Always remember charity. Speak positively. Don't act as though God has given you all the answers. Don't talk about things you know nothing about, just share what you know. Don't try to trick or trap the other person, or force them to do or say something. Seek first to understand, and then to be understood. See the other person as Christ sees them. Beware of pride. Let the Spirit work through you and teach and touch their heart. God converts, not you.

to feel

I think that it's good to miss something. It proves that you love it. Example: I miss Seattle. This feeling tells me that I love Seattle :)
Also - our sorrows increase our capacity for feeling love and joy. It's like carving out a cup so that it can hold more :)
Actually I guess any deep emotion carves out a space for others. Greater capacity to feel. And I guess because Christ experienced infinite sorrow and suffering, he can also experience infinite love and joy. {not sure which came first. I guess there is no "first" with infinity) :)
Luckily we don't have to experience infinite sorrow to attain perfect love. Thanks to Jesus's atonement :)
We do need to feel sorrow though. It deepens our capacity to feel, and it increases empathy.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? ~Kahlil Gibran

how does Christ love us?

Deeply and unconditionally. Without expecting anything in return. Individually, not collectively. If we love Him back, we will show it by keeping his commandments. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. His love for us is a free gift that He willingly offers us, but we have to do something about. We have to act and allow it to work in us, act on it and be changed.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. We are his friends, if we do whatsoever he commands us.
Because He loves us, He wants us to be truly happy, and He knows the only way to receive true happiness is from the Father through Him. He points back to God, always. He glorifies God. He is not proud or boastful or self-centered. He places higher value on us than himself. He put us above Himself - even though we do not deserve it! And he did it because he loves us. He loves us despite our rejection of him. He doesn't need us to love him - he loved us first! We need to love Him. He wants us to love him so that we can be happy. He was willing to sacrifice everything, just to give us the chance, the opportunity for happiness.
He is patient with our faults. He knows we are trying. His influence will bring us closer to the Father. He helps us reach this higher ground. He is never content with what we think is our best - He has better things in mind for us. He will never rest until we are safely home again. He will never give up on us. He cares about us and suffers with us. He mourns with us and rejoices with us.
There is nothing we could do to make Him stop loving us - he always will. He will protect and defend us. He is always there. He wants us to rely on Him. He fights for us. He gives us little blessings to brighten our day :) He has eternal hope for us. He bled and died for the sinner and the saint. His love is offered to everyone - the difference is who will take it and make something of it. He even loves the people who hate Him and do terrible things to Him. And he never, ever gives up on them either. His love has a purifying, perfecting effect. It is cleansing. It makes us want to be better people. It helps us to become better. It is constant. It improves our life. I should love people this same way - deeply and unconditionally. Love = service and sacrifice.

what does it mean to love my neighbor as myself?

Well, how do I love myself? I am very understanding. I dislike some of the things that I do, but I love and accept myself anyways. I hope the best for myself. I don't give up on myself. If I loved my neighbor in this way, I would always give them the benefit of the doubt. I would accept them, quirks and all. I would never abandon them or give up on them. I would do kind things for them.

to love

So here's what I think. It's not love if you feel like you have to win or earn the other person's affection. If you feel like they'll only love you if you're a certain person, it's not love. You should want to please them because you love them, and/or because you already know they love you. You shouldn't feel like you have to get them to love you, or that you have to be careful/on your toes for fear that they'll stop loving you. There is no fear in love; perfect love casts out fear :)
That being said, it does take effort to keep love alive. You can't ever mistreat it, disrespect it, or take it for granted. Don't give up on love just because it gets hard. Real love is everlasting. It takes effort from both sides.
Love is patient. It will endure many things. It doesn't give up. Christ will never give up on us. Love is kind. Never cruel or harsh. Caring, thinks about the other person. Gentle, soft. Love is not jealous. It is not proud. Seeketh not her own, puts the other person first. No pride - doesn't think a lot of themselves. High sense of self-worth, yes, but also meek and humble. Love is not easily provoked - goes along with patience, not envying, kindess. Even-tempered. Chill. Relaxed. Thinks no evil. Doesn't rejoice in sin. Rejoices in the truth. True love bears all things, hopes everything, endures everything, and believes all things. :) Christ perfectly embodies charity. If I want to be Christlike, so should I. Christ said, "I have loved thee with an everlasting love." True love is patient and kind - it never gives up. It endures forever. Nothing anyone can do can change this kind of pure, Christlike love. It's untouchable. Unrequited, it will still continue, always there, never boastful, never rude, never thinking evil or rejoicing in evil. If you really, truly love someone, you will put them first. You will always be happy for the good things that happen to them. You will take no thought for yourself. You will not envy them or any other. You will think kind thoughts. You will always hope, always endure, and always believe. Love is closely related to trust and faith. There is a peace and calm that comes with this sort of love. Love gives. It is a purely unselfish emotion. Think no evil - ever. Leads to action - serve those you love.

Perfect love casteth out all fear; I fear not what man can do.

If I love perfectly, then I will have no more fear. If I can love as Christ does, then I will feel only happiness for the good things in other people's lives. I need to see people as Christ does. That is what I will pray for - that I will love them with a perfect love. I need to pray to love more, with a Christlike love. Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever, and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in inquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Wherefore, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all those who are the followers of his Son, Jesus Christ. {Moro. 7:45, 47-48}
Charity will make me happy and bring me peace. Charity never faileth.

today i am sad.

With great joy comes great sorrow; with great love comes great pain.
I think that the greater the good times were, the worse the hard times will be. The happiness was worth it. It's just hard right now to remember. The inverse is true too though. With great sorrow comes great joy; with great pain comes great love. "There is a link between sorrow, affliction, and incomprehensible joy." ~Bruce C. Hafen. We can't have it good all the time, we don't learn from that. God whispers in our pleasures and shouts in our pain. ~C.S. Lewis 
I know all this stuff about hard times, like it's for my good, this too shall pass, etc. And I still have faith in that, I don't doubt God's hand in my life, but this knowledge doesn't change the fact that I am hurting right now. I'm looking for peace and solace. I'm trying to look for it in Christ. Happiness and peace cannot be found elsewhere. But maybe I just need to suffer through this a little bit. God won't take me out of the storm, but He will guide me safely through it. Pain breeds empathy, compassion, and experience. I need to learn and grow from this experience. Accept the pain, but don't let it overwhelm me or depress me. I can choose to be cheerful despite this. "Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyways." ~Emory Austin
It seems to me that as I get older my emotions get more powerful and poignant. My happiness greater than ever, but also my sadness. And I have a feeling it's only going to get more extreme as life goes on. But I shouldn't forget the great and wonderful joys that I've had! And they will continue to get greater! It's just hard to remember that and focus on that now. I know this won't last forever, I know greater happiness is coming, but right now I am hurting. It's so hard to see past right now.
I know my pain is minuscule compared to everything else. But it's still real to me. Christ knows perfectly how this feels. He understands. "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind... and he will take upon him their infirmities, that His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that He may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." {Alma 7:11-12}
Because they cried mightily unto Him he did deliver them... and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in Him. {Mosiah 29:20}
Cry unto the Lord for all thy support, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever. {Alma 37:36}
It's easy to love and trust during the easy times. It wouldn't be a test if it wasn't hard.
Cry unto the Lord thy God, for He is mighty to save. {Alma 34:18} ♥

What does Absolute Trust look like?

Turn to God first, in everything.

No fear of others, only faith.

When thou art in tribulation, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the Lord thy God and shalt be obedient unto his voice (for the Lord thy God is a merciful God;) He will not forsake thee. {Deut. 4:30-31}

Constant prayer, listening for the will of the Lord.

God is everything. He is enough to satisfy every need. He is my Father, Christ my elder brother. They love me. I can trust them with my self. Who else can satisfy? No one. Peace cannot be found outside of the Father. There is no happiness outside of his plan of happiness. 

Turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning, and rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful. {Joel 2:12-13} Turning to the Lord hurts. Only He can heal the hurt. There can be no reservations. Absolute trust.

Turn to no one else for comfort. Nothing else.

Turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, put your trust in Him, and serve Him with all diligence of mind. {Mosiah 7:33} 

Serve him first - before receiving anything. Take a leap of faith. Scary! :)

Unto them that look for him shall he appear. {Heb. 9:28} 

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. {D&C 6:36}

Trust God.

How I know I can trust God: He has never let anyone down ever. Not only is He always there for me, He is always there for everyone. He has never betrayed anyone. I think a fair way to judge people is the way they treat other people. If they talk bad about others to you, or if you know they've been unkind to someone else, chances are it will happen to you, even if you think it never, ever could. God always treats everyone perfectly. He is perfect. There are countless examples of Him being there for people that needed Him, and I know He will be there for me too. It's a predictable pattern of behavior.

Other helpers fail and comforts flee. Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me. Earth's joys grow dim, it's glories pass away. Change and decay in all around I see; O thou who changest not, abide with me. I need thy presence every passing hour. Who, like thyself, my guide and stay can be? Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

~Abide With Me

My soul, wait thou only upon the Lord, He only is my rock and my salvation. He is my defense, I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory, the rock of my strength, and my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times. {Ps. 62:5-8} 

I shouldn't rely on anyone besides God. I can't just place a percentage of my trust in Him but keep some in reserve, "just in case." That's not real trust. God requires nothing more and nothing less than my entire self. my all. my everything. I can't trust in anything besides God. Yes, other people can help me, and I shouldn't be desitrustful of people, but nothing should come between me and God. I have to be 100% invested. A personal, close relationship. Trust in nothing besides God. Logically, this makes sense. It shouldn't be hard to trust my all to an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving God. But it is.

He is jealous for me

God is jealous for me. When he sees me spending my time with others and not with Him, or when I turn to others when I should turn to Him, it hurts Him. He is happy for me to be happy and have friends, but nothing and no one should replace Him as #1 in my life. He wants to talk to me, all the time. He should be my best friend. I should turn to Him first, before all others. Jesus will always be there for me. He will never betray me or fail me or let me down.