Wednesday, December 10, 2014

mormon women & the priesthood & gender roles in the church

a friend of mine recently posted some of her thoughts on women & the priesthood & gender roles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, & one over-long facebook comment later I realized that I, too, have many thoughts on this subject, & I wanted to preserve them here for my own future reference. :) this is basically verbatim from my facebook comment, so apologies for any lack of organization/coherancy. I just wanted to get it out there. Also, though I hold fast to certain truths (we are all children of God, for example) this is a topic on which my opinion is constantly shifting & expanding, & I would love to hear any opinions you may have on the subject :) [for a bit of background knowledge: read up on the priesthood]


First of all, I really enjoyed this article - it was very thought-provoking, & this line is still something I think about [emphasis added]:
"Because we live in a world where strength and power have always been defined by men, many think that they must be the same as a man to be strong and powerful. The idea implies that only what a man does is of worth, and therefore, if a woman wants to be of worth, she must become like a man. This is wrong. Women should be valued for what they contribute based on their own individual and differing strengths, not based on how much like a man they may have become."
My personal feeling is that hard & fast "gender roles" are harmful to individuals, and to society. I believe absolutely that God knew what He was doing when He created us. I believe I have always been a woman & that I will always be a woman. & I believe that God has a perfect plan for each of us, and that He has & will give us every opportunity & experience we need to become like Him & enjoy the happiness He does.

I don't think that this means I am inherently nurturing, just because I am a woman. I don't think this means men are not nurturing, just because they are men. I believe that as a child of God I have a spiritual heritage that it is my job to develop, & that God will give me the opportunities I need to do that. I worry about prescribing strict "gender roles" - in my experience this can lead to men & women feeling like something is wrong with them, like they're not a "good woman" if they don't naturally love children, or cooking, or homemaking, or not a "real man" if they don't love sports or cars or lifting heavy things.

As a missionary, I often felt "holy envy" for the elders (male missionaries who hold the priesthood). They could bless their investigators, no problem, they could baptize the people they taught, & their ministerial certificate sounded a heck of a lot cooler. But I've learned that women use the priesthood in a lot of important ways. As a missionary, I absolutely believe I used the priesthood - the power of God used to bless His children - every single day. I used to be so jealous of men who could give blessings, jealous that I would never know what that feels like. Then I realized, when I pray sincerely for the people that I love & care about, it's the same thing. I can call down the powers of heaven to bless people, and I can be inspired by the Spirit to know what to say. I had profound experiences that I know were because of the power of the priesthood - God's power to bless & save His children. God can work through me just as much as through any of His sons. Women can be leaders - great leaders! I was very encouraged by the addition of "Sister Training Leaders" in my mission

I don't pretend to have a perfect knowledge or understanding, but that's where I'm at today. I strongly disagree with the idea I've heard many times, that men are naturally selfish etc & that's why they hold the priesthood & women don't, or that women are naturally giving & good & kind & so we don't need the priesthood. I don't believe that's doctrinal, & in my experience it's not accurate. God gives us what we need, but we don't always know why, & it isn't fair to assume all women or all men are a certain way, simply because of gender.

I think it's important to realize & embrace that there are multiple ways of being a woman and following God's plan. I struggle with equating "motherhood" with "priesthood." Motherhood already has an equivalent - fatherhood. If my life never includes marriage, or never includes bearing biological children, I am still a mother, and I am still a nurturer. I am still a woman of God, living out my divine role, even if I never marry. I absolutely believe that motherhood is a high & holy calling - just like fatherhood is. Of all the names & titles God could have chosen for Himself, He has asked us to call Him Father! Families are the pattern of heaven, and we are preparing for that here.

Eve was called "the mother of all living" before she ever bore a biological child. Also, it takes a man & a woman to bring a physical life into the world, and those women who are never able to conceive are not any less of a woman or any less of a follower of God. It takes a man and a woman, sealed together, to bring the highest priesthood blessings into their home. I was very encouraged by Elder Oaks talk in April 2014 about women using the priesthood. I would hope that in the future we could embrace multiple ways of being a woman in the Church (and being a man in the Church) and recognize that we are all pilgrims, doing the best we can to follow God's light & live out His plan for us

I think for too long we've thought of "nurturing" as basically "playing with 3 year olds" and giving it that narrow of a definition I think is detrimental. Leadership can be a great nurturing opportunity! We do ourselves, our families, the Church, & our communities & nations a disservice when we dismiss the valuable, nurturing aspect women bring to leadership Mothering - in whatever way you are able to - will help us develop the divine nature that will allow us to enjoy the lifestyle of our Heavenly Parents

(This was also an interesting article on the "two trees" in the garden of Eden & the complementary roles of Adam & Eve in bringing to pass the salvation of the human race.)

my thoughts from a year ago: they've evolved some, but the basis remains the same.

[another essay on womanhood i enjoyed from meginprogress.com]

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

my response to Sarah Schwartz' "Rethinking the Metaphors: Deeper Conversations on Purity" [spoiler alert: i loved it]

i have watched this video six times in a row now.

it's just so good. & so important. watch:



To me, Sarah is a prime example of faithful "wrestling"

& this is a prime example of the push-back that is happening, 
& that needs to happen in our culture
because the right things are being taught
in the wrong ways.

best parts: 


"While the movement may have been largely well-intended, 

it was 100% a reaction out of fear. 
& it is easier to motivate large group of people via fear and shame 
than it is to develop holistic conversation about Christian sexual ethics. 
& so, the evangelical right sensed a generation embracing the values of the sexual revolution 
and countered with what we now know as the purity movement... 
I understand why we do this. 
Christians are alarmed by what we see as a sexually permissive society, 
and this scares us."
[I've seen this time & time again;

she's right, it's easier to motivate out of fear,

& people with good intentions

who sincerely want young people to be happy

use whatever tools they can to teach the right thing

even if it ends up being taught in the wrong way.

I honestly believe they don't mean any harm; 
it's just all they know.]



[on gender roles 
& how we tend to address boys & girls differently in this conversation]

[I strongly believe that we should have the 
same expectations of purity & modesty 

for both men & women]


"There is this sense then that if men engage in sex before marriage 
there is more grace for their actions 
because they're biologically wireto desire sex above all else."

[I have so seen & heard this, 

even if it's not in so many words. Ugh.]
{paraphrase}
If you, as a woman, 
posit that women have sexual feelings as well, 
you'll immediately be pegged as a slut. 

[Yep, felt that.

Again, my whole adolescence & adult life

I've been told that as a woman, I can't possibly understand

what a boy is going through in this area

& that their sex drive is way stronger than a woman's.

I mean, I have no real way of testing or knowing,

but I think that's a huge generalization
& a mistake

Also, that doesn't give you a free pass to promiscuity.]

"Men and women are different - like no duh, right? 
But we're both human, 
which means both men and women have a need & a capacity 
for relationships, community, and emotional health & expression,
& both men and women are wired with a desire for sexual intimacy.
This either/or logic denies all of us aspects of our humanity, and it needs to go die."

[!!!!!!!!

This is God's plan. I really believe that.

Men & women were designed to live in families]

 "I'm particularly heartbroken for the dark implications of logic for young men,
because from the moment you hit puberty you are bombarded with these messages of
"you are nothing but a slave to your desires,"
"you're human, but you're actually more like an animal when it comes to this area"
and "you really have no capacity for self control"
and "don't worry no one really expects anything else from you."
And guys need to start getting offended by that.
You are fully human, 
made in the image of God, 
with a need for relationships and emotional health and connection. 
You are not animals."

[I have three wonderful brothers who live as proof positive 

that boys are humans, not animals.]

"And so when people say things like "boys will be boys," 
ask yourself, could this sentence easily be
"boys will be terrible," 
because that's generally what people are saying."

[Oh snap.]

"And girls, you have a body.
You are in possession of a sexuality 
& having sexual desires doesn't make you a freak, 
it means you have a pulse,
and you don't need to be afraid or ashamed of that."

[Denying reality when talking to young people

means that when we do encounter reality -

and we will -

we think we're the only ones who feel this way

& we don't know how to deal with it.

A huge mistake, if you ask me.]

"We need to examine the ways we have been taught to think about sex, 
because our current framework is extremely damaging 
& doesn't actually reflect the reasons 
why Christ has called us to save sex for marriage in the first place."
[I am a huge believer 
in doing the right things
for the right reasons -
the reasons Christ Himself set up
& not the reasons we've invented
so that things make sense to us.]

"Abstaining outside marriage is about your whole life,
sexuality included,
being submitted to Christ in loving obedience.
This practice is about your discipleship,
not some hypothetical future someone.
Your virginal state or lack thereof is not an object
that you are giving someone in the future
(because there may not be someone in the future.)"
[!!!!!
Again, you can't offer a future relationship as a prize
because the fact is,
not all of us are going to get married.
Yes, marriage is a wonderful, divinely ordained goal.
But it is not - cannot - be the main reason.
Because not all of us will attain that in this life.]

"We practice chastity out of love for Christ."
[Again, love for God,
needs to be the main motivation here
because that's so much more powerful & lasting.]

"This way of thinking is big enough for all of us, right?
Whether you're married, or dating, or single,
whether you're straight or same-sex attracted,
this framework's end goal is being more like Jesus,
not some person.
This is about your sanctification.
Stewarding your sexuality your whole life for the glory of God."
[This is so important.
Again, in a church with a rapidly changing demographic
we need to keep in mind that not everyone in the congregation is married
or even heterosexual.
Truth applies to everyone,
not just those who fit the norm.
Being more like Jesus is the real purpose of life, anyways
& if you frame it that way
it applies to all of us
not just those who fit the norm.]

"Also, can we please stop treating marriage like this magical, like finish line, where it's like
"Whoo I got married!"so you never have to think about stewarding your sexuality wisely ever again?
I'm not married, but I'm assuming you're still gonna have to use wisdom,
and be prayerful,
and like, be a thinking human person afterwards."

"The goal of our youth group too often is to produce sober virgins,
and we need to aim higher than that."

"Because I don't think necessarily getting to the altar as a virgin makes us more Christ-like.
A lot of people get to that day having not had sex
just because they were super freaked out about becoming "damaged goods,"
and then they really wrestle with having sex
because they've internalized so much shame about it,
not because they understood chastity 
as a means to be formed by the Holy Spirit,
to learn,
to be sanctified,
& to grow."
[If we teach right things in the wrong way,
we may get the right outward results
but the internal change will not be there
& that's the whole point anyways.]

"Because we can obey all kinds of rules and still not be like Jesus, right?
The Pharisees love to come to Jesus and quiz him about specifics of the law
but Jesus is always bringing them back to the attitudes of their hearts
from which your actions will necessarily flow."

"What makes us like Christ is having hearts that long to see and treat others as image-bearers of God,
to love them better than we love ourselves,
and to honor God with every aspect of our beings."

"So yes, regard sexual intimacy as something to be shared in a covenant relationship of marriage,
but don't do it because you're terrified of becoming damaged goods.
Do it out of love for Christ
 and so that the Spirit can have His way in your heart
and produce everything in you that you need
 for life 
and for godliness."
[Love, not fear.
Love, not fear.
Love, not fear.
Love, not fear.]
{here i paraphrase}

Objectifying women and men
even in a benevolent way
is still objectifying them.
We are not gum.
We are not flowers.
We are not tape.
We are children of God
& that is where our true value lies.


[This last part is just really beautiful.]

"My prayer is that the Spirit of God would meet you
right where you are,
and in the way that only He can,
wrestle with you in the midst of your questions
 and your doubts
 and your fears
and restore to you a knowledge of your worth.

May you begin the process of breaking free from the lies that the Enemy would love to hold you captive in,
and may you taste and walk in the freedom of your belovedness.
May you be transformed from the inside out.
Like the Apostle John says, may your lives be ones perfectly formed in love rather than fear.
And may you be brave enough to let other people in,
to work through these issues in community.
May you surround yourself with people who will love you well
and speak the truth frequently 
and loudly 
over your life.

Let us be a force of healing
by reshaping this conversation,
by committing to viewing each person that we come in contact with 
with a holy reverence,
knowing them to be a beloved image-bearer 
& fellow child of God,
a full human person,
not an object
& not goods, damaged or otherwise

May we be a community that not only loves much
but loves well

& let us always, always remember & proclaim 
that it has never, ever been our behavior that makes us pure,
but an acknowledgement 
of who Jesus is and His purity
that makes us one with Him
& compels us to walk 
in the Way Everlasting.

women & the priesthood

~ in case you didn't know by now ~

i'm a mormon

& i love it :)

one of my absolute favorite things recently has been modern revelation
or the idea that Christ lives & leads His Church through His authorized servants
{same as in Bible times}

this has offered me a lot of peace & clarity

especially as I've watched the Christian world struggle with enormous & important issues

the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints {aka mormon church} has not been exempt from a lot of these issues




but an advantage I feel is that this is not a church led by humans
but by God acting through humans


& mortals are an imperfect filter through which the perfection of the gospel must be poured

& there is a lot of cultural imperfections & things i would change in the Church

because that's just what happens when a bunch of humans get together



swept about by the whims of men & society

brings peace to my soul


my job is to go directly to the source - to pray & ask God to confirm to me the words of His servants
& then to act in faith.


this is why my feminism differs when it comes to my faith

i believe that this is Christ's church
& He gets to make the rules

I believe in asking questions in a faith-filled way
I believe in revelation.


~ all that being said ~ 

about a year ago [10.16.13] i was serving in wisconsin as a mormon missionary

& thinking a lot about women & the priesthood

& this is what i wrote in the middle of the night one night

"aspiring for/demanding the priesthood is really degrading to womanhood -- 
you're basically saying that womanhood, 
with all of it's attendant rights & privileges, 
is somehow inferior to/not as great as manhood, 
with all of its attendant rights & privileges. 

God knows what He is doing. 
He knows me 
& He knows you, 
& He knows what each of us need to progress towards perfection. 

i do not believe that God gave men the priesthood because they're naturally horrible stinkers who wouldn't serve otherwise, anymore than i believe God gave women motherhood {which, you don't have to be a birthmother to possess the qualities of & be a mother... it's inherent, foreordained like the priesthood} because women are naturally horrible & wouldn't serve otherwise. 

Women are great leaders, & men are great nurturers, & each of us is different. 
God knows us individually. 
He knows our needs, & He knows our talents. 
He has designed men & women to need one another, in beautiful similitude of all mankind's desperate need for a Savior <3 
There is no greater advocate of women than Jesus Christ, whose church this is. 
Trust Him who knows & loves us best. 
Trust that He loves you & knows what He's doing :)" 


since then, my thoughts have evolved & grown & been added to, but the basis remains the same. 
God knows me, He loves me, & He leads His church in the way that I need. 

:)

what being a feminist means to me

[read this first]

I am a feminist because I am a Christian 
I am a feminist because I believe that the world's greatest champion of women & womanhood is Jesus the Christ
& I am seeking to follow Jesus Christ 


my faith informs my feminism. 
i believe that in the eyes of God, women & men are equal
{i believe it is possible to be equal without being the same. basic algebra taught me that} ;)
i believe that God loves me
that He created me
that He loves me for being a woman
& that I have divine possibilities & capabilities as a woman
and that i am not lesser in any way for my gender

furthermore

i believe that every human should have every right & opportunity to grow & progress & be who they were created to be
a person's womanhood [or manhood] should in no way hold them back

i believe that men & women are infinitely more than their appearance
& that we should treat each other as children of God
not merely bodies
or objects

i believe that socially prescribed gender roles & stereotypes are harmful 
to both genders

i believe that popular societal ideas of "true beauty" "womanhood" & "manhood" are harmful and wrong
& also, that they can change.

i believe that my gender is an important part of my identity
not my entire identity

i believe that every voice is important
male & female

i don't believe in erasing all differences 
i believe in celebrating them

i don't believe in prescribing a role & characteristics & opportunities & a LIFE for someone
based solely on the genitalia they were born with

that just seems silly.

i believe that men & women are capable of so much more
& the gender equality will help us to achieve it

i believe that when you elevate women, you elevate men
& vice versa

i am a feminist because i know how it feels to not match up to everything society tells you a woman should be
and that's not fair

i am a feminist because i know that every woman will not have the same experience
& every man will not have the same experience
& i believe that humans have the God-given gift to choose for themselves 
& decide what God wants for them
without societal pressure dictating what they need to be to be successful & happy

there is more than one way to be a woman
there is more than one way to be a man

perhaps most importantly,
i'm a feminist because i have sisters
and brothers
and i love them 
more than anything else in world



i am a feminist because i believe society needs to change
& i believe society can change
& i believe it starts with me.


----------------------------

~other people who have said the things in my heart better than i could~

Feminism does not mean "down with men"
Feminism does not mean women are trying to turn into men
Feminism does not mean hatred for men and love for women
Feminism is simply advocating opportunities for all people regardless of gender
Feminism is an idea "wouldn't it be great if gender didn't impede a person's progression?" and then all can differ on how and the details.
Feminism should never be about forcing, shaming girls into one particular idea of womanhood. It's about opportunities, choices.
Feminism says, who do you want to be? What do you want to do? No one can tell you you can't because you're a girl. You can be that person.
Feminism says that if a man is more qualified for a job than a woman than he should get it
Feminism says if a woman is more qualified than a man for a job, then her femaleness shouldn't prevent her getting it
And then feminism says if men are more qualified than women for certain jobs let's look at why and help girls get educated.


"Man can not degrade woman without himself falling into degradation; he can not elevate her without at the same time elevating himself" 
Alexander Walker


emma watson

 Because we live in a world where strength and power have always been defined by men, many think that they must be the same as a man to be strong and powerful. The idea implies that only what a man does is of worth, and therefore, if a woman wants to be of worth, she must become like a man. This is wrong. Women should be valued for what they contribute based on their own individual and differing strengths, not based on how much like a man they may have become.

"In an age when women were generally expected to provide only temporal service, the Savior taught Martha and Mary that women could also participate spiritually in His work. He invited them to become His disciples and partake of salvation, “that good part” that would never be taken from them"


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