what being a feminist means to me

[read this first]

I am a feminist because I am a Christian 

I am a feminist because I believe that the world's greatest champion of women & womanhood is Jesus the Christ

& I am seeking to follow Jesus Christ 

my faith informs my feminism. 

i believe that in the eyes of God, women & men are equal

{i believe it is possible to be equal without being the same. basic algebra taught me that} ;)

i believe that God loves me

that He created me

that He loves me for being a woman

& that I have divine possibilities & capabilities as a woman

and that i am not lesser in any way for my gender

furthermore

i believe that every human should have every right & opportunity to grow & progress & be who they were created to be

a person's womanhood [or manhood] should in no way hold them back

i believe that men & women are infinitely more than their appearance

& that we should treat each other as children of God

not merely bodies

or objects

i believe that socially prescribed gender roles & stereotypes are harmful 

to both genders

i believe that popular societal ideas of "true beauty" "womanhood" & "manhood" are harmful and wrong

& also, that they can change.

i believe that my gender is an important part of my identity

not my entire identity

i believe that every voice is important

male & female

i don't believe in erasing all differences 

i believe in celebrating them

i don't believe in prescribing a role & characteristics & opportunities & a LIFE for someone

based solely on the genitalia they were born with

that just seems silly.

i believe that men & women are capable of so much more

& the gender equality will help us to achieve it

i believe that when you elevate women, you elevate men

& vice versa

i am a feminist because i know how it feels to not match up to everything society tells you a woman should be

and that's not fair

i am a feminist because i know that every woman will not have the same experience

& every man will not have the same experience

& i believe that humans have the God-given gift to choose for themselves 

& decide what God wants for them

without societal pressure dictating what they need to be to be successful & happy

there is more than one way to be a woman

there is more than one way to be a man

perhaps most importantly,

i'm a feminist because i have sisters

and brothers

and i love them 

more than anything else in world

i am a feminist because i believe society needs to change

& i believe society can change

& i believe it starts with me.

----------------------------

~other people who have said the things in my heart better than i could~

Feminism does not mean "down with men"

Feminism does not mean women are trying to turn into men

Feminism does not mean hatred for men and love for women

Feminism is simply advocating opportunities for all people regardless of gender

Feminism is an idea "wouldn't it be great if gender didn't impede a person's progression?" and then all can differ on how and the details.

Feminism should never be about forcing, shaming girls into one particular idea of womanhood. It's about opportunities, choices.

Feminism says, who do you want to be? What do you want to do? No one can tell you you can't because you're a girl. You can be that person.

Feminism says that if a man is more qualified for a job than a woman than he should get it

Feminism says if a woman is more qualified than a man for a job, then her femaleness shouldn't prevent her getting it

And then feminism says if men are more qualified than women for certain jobs let's look at why and help girls get educated.

shannon hale

"Man can not degrade woman without himself falling into degradation; he can not elevate her without at the same time elevating himself" 

Alexander Walker

emma watson

 Because we live in a world where strength and power have always been defined by men, many think that they must be the same as a man to be strong and powerful. The idea implies that only what a man does is of worth, and therefore, if a woman wants to be of worth, she must become like a man. This is wrong. Women should be valued for what they contribute based on their own individual and differing strengths, not based on how much like a man they may have become.

Rebecca Moore

"In an age when women were generally expected to provide only temporal service, the Savior taught Martha and Mary that women could also participate spiritually in His work. He invited them to become His disciples and partake of salvation, “that good part” that would never be taken from them"

daughters in my kingdom

helpful links:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-organ/25-feminist-lessons-for-my-sons_b_5952276.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

why i choose to call myself a feminist

as some of you may know 

{esp. if you follow me on twitter}

i have chosen to self-identify as a feminist

it's a tricky word

broad

controversial

changing & developing

but currently i choose to identify as a feminist because that's how i think words work

i take a word

- feminist -

& i apply it to myself

& i make that word mean what i am

meaning

if i identify as feminist

& also choose to be kind & respectful

then that means that feminists

are kind & respectful
etc

at least it helps the word change its meaning in some people's minds

i've been surprised by how many people view feminism as negative

ugly

hateful

spiteful

etc

when i consider it to be helpful

common sense

ennobling

etc

{start at 1:09} TW: one swear word

& so

i choose to identify as feminist

& i choose to highlight those things i agree with

because language changes when we change it.

& i believe feminism has an important message at its core. 

no, i don't agree with everything 

or everyone who also identifies as feminist

it's a tricky situation

but this is my choice :)


COMING SOON: what "being a feminist" means to me :)

check your privilege

my life is ridiculously blessed 

privilege is not a bad thing

but it needs to be acknowledged 

&, i believe, used for good, to help others

so this is me, checking my privilege.

[this is not me bragging - i did literally nothing to deserve this. i view my position in life as a sacred trust from God to help others achieve their full potential & not be held back by circumstances of birth.]
 [i also acknowledge that i am imperfect & that words are imperfect & that our world is imperfect.
please know that i am learning & trying.] :)

i am white

& i grew up in a predominately white society. [89%, to be precise]

i have never been made to feel "other" or "less-than" because of my race or skin color

most people in power look like me

most depictions of God/diety/Jesus Christ that i've been exposed to look like me

except for one time in milwaukee, i have always been the racial majority, wherever i went

i'm not aware of a time in history when my race was specifically discriminated against 

{my ancestry is mostly scottish, i think. 

we were on the losing side of the jacobite rebellion. and the civil war. oopsie.} 

i have two married parents who love each other

i have neverevereverevereverever doubted my parents love for each other or for me.

ever.

that alone is such a blessing.

i grew up in a stable home with love & support from my mother & my father

i was never treated as "less-than" because i am a daughter/woman/female

my dad has always treated my mom with love & respect, & vice versa

we're not perfect, but we're definitely blessed

i am in good mental health

i have my struggles, like anyone else, & i've seen a counselor for different issues
{highly recommended to everyone, btw.} 

some things are more difficult for me than others, but in the words of my counselor

i have "all the tools needed" to deal with things in a healthy way

this, is a huge blessing.

i've been insulted & mocked & rejected {mormon missionary life will do that to ya, as well as regular mormon life, as well as regular human life}

but i've come out of it relatively unscathed.

i've also got a solid religious background / faith / belief system

while not exactly mainstream {mormons get their fair share of grief, imo} 

i still identify as Christian, & in that way fit into the accepted religious majority of those around me

i've never been discriminated against for my gender identity or sexual orientation

{lest this photo confuse you, i identify as female.} :)

i have never, ever, ever in my life been told that i would go to hell because of my gender identity or sexual orientation

[more thoughts on going to heaven/hell here]

i have never been treated as "other," 

never even felt the remotest threat of being disowned by my family

never wanted to end my life because of my identity

never had to reconcile a part of how i feel with what my religion teaches [at least in that way]

never been in the gender-identity/sexual orientation minority 

i've never run out of money

i've never been homeless

never not had enough to eat

yes, i worry about finances

and i am by no means rich or exorbitantly wealthy

but i'm able to attend a university

& pay rent
& use my laptop to access the internet
& my free time to write this blog

without living paycheck to paycheck

& even enjoy some luxuries {mostly thanks to my parents}

i'm educated 

my parents read to me as a child

& are incredibly supportive of me & my education

helped me with math homework

provided time & supplies 

went to parent-teacher conferences

i went to good school with good programs & great teachers

& i'm good at taking tests.

i'm able-bodied 

i can walk

& see

& hear

i've never been discriminated against because of a physical disability

i've never been held back

{i can't run very far/fast, but mostly because i don't exercise}

my body isn't perfect 

but it does the job :)

------------------------------------

there are countless other ways i've been privileged, i'm sure

& probably some ways i've been denied privilege 

{i choose not to focus on those}

being privileged is not a bad thing

it is a privilege 

& it comes with an obligation to help others

life isn't fair

not everyone who is white, etc shares my privilege

& being privileged doesn't mean i'm without problems/struggles

but it does mean i can't presume to know the struggles of someone in a different situation.

we all come into this world with different advantages/disadvantages

how we respond to those is our own choice

& circumstances don't dictate our choices

all of us have the opporunity to rise above our circumstances

& to take our God-given privileges 

& use them to help others

in conclusion ~

"Such a sermon demands that I openly acknowledge the unearned, 
undeserved, 
unending blessings of my life, 
both temporal and spiritual. 

Like you, I have had to worry about finances on occasion, 

but I have never been poor, 

nor do I even know how the poor feel. 

Furthermore, I do not know all the reasons why the circumstances of 
birth, health, education, and economic opportunities vary so widely here in mortality, 

but when I see the want among so many, I do know that 
“there but for the grace of God go I.”

I also know that although I may not be my brother’s keeper, 

I am my brother’s brother, 

and “because I have been given much, I too must give."

[source]

on living with uncertainty

friday (10.24.14) there was a fatal shooting at a high school near my home

& almost immediately i noticed it becoming attached to & used to advance different causes

gun control. feminism. native americanism. bullying. anti-gun-control. misogyny. misandry. etc.

& this bothered me

my thoughts ~

please, please, please can we allow there to be tragedy & loss & pain before we make this into a banner for your cause-of-choice

everyone responds to tragedy differently, & i know that the search for meaning is a natural human response

but hijacking tragedy and using it to promote your own interests makes me ill

"We want our lives to make sense; God wants our lives to make a difference." // @bobgoff

Too often we try too hard to find meaning in the unexplainable.

We s t r e t c h some facts, & ignore others, 
trying to make things make sense the way we want them to. 
Just let it be 
& let grief happen.
Meaning will come with time

but it won't be found immediately.
Just let it be & let people grieve.

there probably is a reason for what happened
& it might be what you think (hope?) it is
but we never know all that went into a decision like this
especially not right away
& over-generalization is dangerous

yes, change needs to happen
but first, there there be peace
& time
& respect

“What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing.” ~ C.S. Lewis

"Some people are more interested in being certain than they are in being right... We should not be deceived by the clear-cut labels some may use to describe circumstances that are, in fact, not so clear."

"If we are not willing to grapple with the frustration that comes from honestly and bravely facing the uncertainties we encounter, we may never develop the kind of spiritual maturity that is necessary for our ultimate preparations."

[source]

on living with compassion

yesterday (10.27.14) something called #ERLC2014 happened. & i saw a lot about it on twitter, & it caused some thoughts. 
[disclaimer: i don't really know what it is; my opinions have been formed solely off of minimal research & what i've seen on twitter. but this isn't really about them specifically as much as compassionate Christianity in general. ]

First of all, I am firmly convinced that God wants us to feel connected to each other & that the more connected we feel the more kindness & understanding we show. We all know someone with a particular struggle or experience, & if we don't think we do, we just don't know about them yet. Suicide, mental illness, disability, LGBTQ people, drug/alcohol abuse, violence, tragedy... life affects all of us at some point. *

furthermore, it IS possible to show compassion without compromising conviction. In fact, it's essential. this is so important to understand. too often i hear people, esp. those with religious conviction, say things that essentially boil down to "it's true love to tell people that they're sinners if that's the truth. love is telling people the truth, even if they don't want to hear it."

um, no.

In light of all that, a brief review of this seemed timely: 
[emphasis added]

"In any event, we should be persons of goodwill toward all, rejecting persecution of any kind, including persecution based on race, ethnicity, religious belief or non-belief, and differences in sexual orientation."

"We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere beliefs."

[this means not excluding them. this means actually listening to them & not presuming to know how they're feeling.]

"Surely we can teach our children values & standards of behavior without having them distance themselves or show disrespect to any who are different."

"We challenge all... to avoid bullying, insults, or language and practices that deliberately inflict pain on others. All of these violate the Savior’s command to love one another." 
[& i would add, work on your languages & practices so that they don't inflict pain on others, even if it's not deliberate. of course you can't control others' reactions, but you can try to be sensitive to others' feelings & experiences.]

Following the Savior’s example, we can show loving-kindness and still be firm in the truth.

"Everyone, independent of his or her decisions and beliefs, deserves our kindness and consideration." 
[source]

"The Prophet Joseph Smith warned us to "beware of self-righteousness" and to enlarge our hearts toward all men and women until we feel "to take them upon our shoulders."
In the gospel of Jesus Christ, there is no place for ridicule, bullying, or bigotry."

[source]

Compassion essentially means "to feel with." To be experiencing what the other person is feeling, as much as possible. It's an extremely Christlike way to be.

Stopping to consider how a person feels, or how you would feel in their position is vastly important... & Christlike. 
If we're ever going effect change, there needs to be a level of understanding that only comes through sincere & loving compassion. 
It's not always comfortable or easy, but that's not what Christ has called us to when He says "Come, follow Me." 

As we strive for compassion & personal understanding, we become more like our Savior, & more of who He needs us to be.

[alma 7:11-13]

I'm not perfect in this - no one is. But being a Christian - a follower of Christ - means that we're trying.

"It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, & celebrate those differences." // audre lorde // words to think about

further evidence that my mom was/is the best : 
if it wasn't hurting anyone, she let us do what we wanted.

-----------------------------------------------

this post does a better job of explaining how i feel about sin vs sinner, etc, if you're curious

follow along on twitter

* i am NOT equating mental illness / suicide to being LGBTQ. not at all. i'm just pointing out that it's one of those things a lot of people don't expect to affect them or their loved ones until it does. & it can be difficult to deal with.

"sexy modesty"

the other day in my american studies class, someone brought up the oxymoron inherent in the term "sexy modest" & it got me thinking

so i tweeted about it

& a friend of mine tweeted back & summed it up i think perfectly:

"Dress so boys will be physically attracted to you. 

But not too attracted. 

Because then sexual assault is your fault."

Here's the thing:

Modesty is an attitude, not a dress code. 

You can be immodest covered head to toe.

& you can be modest in a bikini.

It's cool if you're attracted to modesty, & it's cool that girls [& boys] know they don't have to dress a certain way to get boys [or girls] to like them, 
but that's the point - you don't have to dress ANY way - "modest" or immodest - to get people to like you. 

Do it for yourself & for God. 

Don't dress modestly to be "sexy". 

That defeats the point.

modesty rant

when i dress to go somewhere, i try to dress with modesty; meaning i try to dress in a way that's not going to draw undue attention to myself. i don't always succeed, i'm sure [i have been known to wear this]

yes those are cats

but i try to dress in a way i'm comfortable with, realizing i have very limited control over the way others will view me.

but on the flip side

 if a woman is somewhere in leggings you deem too tight, or a top you deem too thin, or a blouse you deem too low... i expect the men (& women) in the area to still treat her like a human being. you don't want to see it? don't look. use your agency and determine to view the individual as a child of God, regardless of outward appearances.

you don't know the secret world inside another human's mind

you don't know their body

you don't know their soul

& so you don't get to judge them & decide what's "modest" for them

sometimes, we're simply unaware of our appearance

or we've recently gained weight so things are fitting a little tighter

or lost weight so things are looser

or we've just come from somewhere & didn't have time to change

or it's all we own

or it's what we felt like wearing

or it's what feels comfortable & modest to us

or any number of reasons

you know what you can control?

your mind

your body

your soul

so focus on that :)


yes, i try to dress with modesty. i believe that's what God wants me to do, & i believe it carries with it loads of wonderful side-benefits, including being respectful & probably helpful to those around me.

but i also believe that i can command respect as a human being & a child of God, regardless of what I'm wearing.

i don't intentionally dress to get attention, but it's also not my fault if that happens.

if i walk around in my apartment wearing a towel & see someone unexpectedly, i believe i can expect that individual to still treat me with grace & with respect as a soul & not a body.

i don't think that's asking too much, really.